I’ve been trying to get myself typing for the past few weeks. It’s just been rough. Whether I am in the big hole of depression, or just floating along with my head above water, it’s been a lot of mental and emotional energy.
I have been doing things every day though. Like managed to clean something or do a load of laundry or what have you. Still.
You want to know what one of the worst things about depression is, in my humble opinion? The loss of enjoyment and excitement and fun. First of all, I probably would be classified as high-functioning depressive. I have my very bad moments, but usually I can function well enough. Certainly well enough to fool people. (That is a point I will come back to in a moment.)
However, when you get to a point when you can do things, like maybe work a part time job, or get back to playing piano, or painting, you have to force yourself. Just keep doing it even if you don’t really feel anything from it. That’s always the advice from mental health professionals. “Just keep trying. Keep doing.” Usually they say it will get better.
But no. Not really. Not for me. I can go through all the motions, but I don’t get the pleasure of it. Then that will cause further depression. It’s so frustrating.
Coming back to my point from above, there are times when you are “well enough” to put on the act for everyone. (When I run out of energy for that, then that’s a big crash coming.) I’ve read a quote which goes something like this: Depressed people aren’t faking for attention, they are faking being well.
Anyway. I kinda didn’t want to harp on all this again, although it is a big part of my life right now. I don’t have a whole lot else to really chat about as UK is still on this stupid lockdown. Yes, it’s trying to ease up, but it’s still shitballs right now.
OH! Ok. Here is something else to chat about for a moment. Husband and I are watching the world tournament of snooker right now. The British people can have a strange way of constructing sentences, and it’s been super apparent in these broadcasts. They say stuff like “A good game, this.” or “Horrible luck, that.” Those are just a couple of quick examples I can think of right now.
Whatever Strikes My Fancy 